has it been that long?? pauliesthots #2

Well.. it's been only 12 days since my last blog and well.. that was a real entry anyways..

so the last real entry was july 3.. hmm.. 25 days have passed..

obviously there's many moments which i would have like to blog abt.. but by the time i come online.. the mood is not there.. or i forget..

there was a phrase which Pastor Cara mentioned during one of her preaching.. could be about 3/4 wks ago.. about "not needing it, but wanting it.."

can't remember the context that she was talkin abt.. but it has been sticking in my head.. and i guess it could be used in other situations..

for example.. we don't need to go an extra mile for someone.. but we want to do it.. coz we love them..

hmm.. mayb its a lousy illustration.. but i think.. that if you WANT to do something.. it's more POWERFUL .. than when it's only a NEED..

in WANT.. there's the self initiative/involment/desire..
in NEED.. it's like its a default thingy..

soounds contradicting rite?? for instance.. oxygen.. we NEED it or else we can't breathe.. wouldn't it be important too??

but I guess what my theory is.. it's about an individual's level of commitment.. WANT > need.. =P

what else have been happening??

there was nellie's bday.. her house is really cosy.. the choc fondue was a brilliant idea.. might get one of those thingy when i moved into a place of my own.. but i think those normal pot is sufficient.. instead of the machine.. oh well..

i alwiz wondered.. if getting an ice cream machine would be practical.. guess when i have spare $$ to spend.. i might get one and.. hav ice cream and pancake parties.. haha!!

it's been a while since i made pancakes.. can't wait til i shift into my own place.. and of course.. can't wait til peak is over.. more time to laze ard during the weekends..

well.. it's a good thing that sean is living with me now.. he is doing all the cooking.. got him to pack my sandwiches as well.. think he is amazed at how little i have for lunch.. lolz..

i really hope that we can move out soon.. being stuck in the same room as him.. is not very healthy..

like yesterday.. he was talking to his "best fren" frm msia thru skype.. but not the free one.. he actually pays for it.. coz he calls her house phone..

yup.. i was hopping mad.. i mean.. here is technology which provides free facilities.. but you want to pay $$.. i mean wat's wrong with msn?? cannot type meh?? have to call her?? not even girlfriend lar..

drives me nuts to see him wasting $$ like that..

yesterday was a bad example.. coz i was working OT til 10ish.. so just imagine me seeing him burn cash like that..

i have to evaluate myself.. am i that $$ minded??

i don't think that i hold onto $$ so tightly..

just that.. i dislike him being so careles with his mgmt of $$..

i don't like ppl who think $$ drop from the sky..

of course he has improved a lot from day one.. but still not enuf..

guess i'm just a control freak hey.. sighz..

thank God he listened to me and applied for the McD's job.. or else i would skin him alive for spending $$ faster than he is earning $$..

i guess i dowan him to fall under the world's influence.. spending things on credit..

so many ppl have gotten themselves in deep shit.. bcoz of the introduction of "credit"..

of course without loans and credit line.. most of us won't be able to own a home or something that significant in our lifetime..

but we must have self control in small things.. so that when it comes to big things.. we are able to manage our finances properly??

guess this has turned into a bitching session.. *haiz*..

moving onto something else..

What are dreams??

Does it have any form of reality?? Does it have any resemblance to things that have occured or things to come??

A while back.. i dreamt that someone closed to me died.. and recently.. well just this week.. i dreamt another dream.. well it shld be called nightmare.. that someone close to me died.. and this time.. i can really remember.. i cried.. a lot.. coz i woke up.. and there were tears all over my face..

I really hope that it has no bearing in future events.. maybe I have been working too hard..

Things like these .. makes me ponder about what am I doing here.. away from my family.. my parents.. my granny.. about the times when I was still living under the same roof.. but did not take the time to communicate with them.. did not sit down and catch a tv series with them.. instead.. if i am at home.. i would be on the comp.. playing games, chatting online.. stuff which is so short term.. and non significant..

As a result of the above incidents.. I am planning a trip back at the end of the year.. to visit my parents and granny.. parents are away teaching in Phil now .. and granny is in SG with my uncle and family.. talked to her the other day.. and she ws asking when i was coming back for visit.. guess i should not disappoint her.. even though it will cost $$$$$$... but $$ can be earned again.. time passes by and will never return..

Doncha just hate growing up.. so much to think about..

Would have to catch up with my fav aunt as well.. haven't been in contact with her much since events in life which has separated us all..

funny how things would have been.. if i had match make her with some of the uncles at church.. sighz.. bo pian lar.. no point in looking at things in retrospect..

i would be sighing all night..

of more recent occurings..

had dim sum last sat with Pastor Stewart.. wanted to have it at Joy Garden.. but as usual.. it was a freaking long wait.. approx. 45 mins wait.. couldnt wait that long.. went to Riverside instead.. of course not as much variety and i guess doesnt taste as good.. oh well.. it's the fellowship that matters..

talked about stuff.. but 2 things which was brought up.. girls and ministry.. haha..

no relation to one another.. but i told him that.. sadly but truly.. no prospect frm the church.. and ministry.. i confided to him that i did teach sunday school back in KL.. so i have given him permission to enlist me into the ministry.. albeit discussion with aunty connie.. i thought that was that.. as i did not mention anything abt youth ministry.. but came sunday.. or was it this week at cheryl's bday.. i was given more bad news.. something along the lines of helping with cell grp.. talk about being stuffed..

for certain.. i would be OK to help with either the small kids or the primary school kids for Sunday School.. but cell group is a different thing altogether.. and I don't really have the heart or inspiration there at the moment.. will continue to seek the Lord.. everywhere is lacking of manpower and guy leaders.. but I can't just simply jump into every desperate situation.. i would love to help.. helping is one of my core abilities.. but being a hero or a zero is 2 different things.. and if it's just a NEED instead of a WANT.. then more than likely.. i would become a ZERO..

a bit of work.. i think i might be sensing some form of resentment or frustration from my colleague.. as she is getting a lot of jobs.. and she's feeling the pressure and she made the comment about how she's paid less than me..

i guess it's true.. more $$, do more work.. but then you have to be able to bargain your salary lar.. if your raise isn't enuff.. it's not my fault lor.. nothing is ever goin to be the same alwiz.. like earlier this year.. i was working hard and stressed up shitless.. but she was just in the office.. doing planning..

not trying to make comparisons.. but just depends on the jobs that we get assigned to lor.. most of my jobs are still hanging due to client's f$%^ stupid managing of their accounts.. so when they get their act together.. i'm sure i'm gonna be in deepshit too.. come deadline time..

but my heart goes out to her.. she's been working really long hours.. and she's soft and all lar.. might end up sick... think she's really contemplating resignation liao.. that would be bad news for me... she's like the last of the core grp members.. sighz.. i would have to plan my exit if she does leave.. coz i am afraid her engagements might spill over to me.. that would be worrying.. and my fav jr has expressed his intent to leave as well.. before december.. coz he doesnt want to be ard doing the interim work for all the shit jobs..

i really need to get my act together and start thinking of the alternatives available..

thanks to the stupid CPA mentoring program.. i might just have to continue working until mid next year.. just so i dont have to change mentor.. it's such a stupid program.. @#$%#^&%^

oh yes.. went for dinner buffet at Ms Maud.. pretty much the same stuff as the lunch buffet.. except for the yabbis and oysters..

which i think its pretty crap anyways.. do not like oysters and yabbis has no meat whatsoever...

next place for buffet would be either hyatt or sheraton.. thank God for the Entertainment Book..

oh yar.. Korean food.. real yum.. is Shilla's @ East Perth.. fine dining one..

a cheaper alternative is Seoul Garden @ William St, Northbridge.. to me.. i think the meat and sauce taste about the same.. just that the price and ambience is different lor..

but other ppl might differ.. so if you want to impress your company for the night and $$ is not an issue.. then Shilla's is the place to go.. and there's discount too if you are an Entertainment Book Card Holder..

last thing to mention.. thanks to Chi Chi, Vicky and Seano for the wonderful time I had 2 sundays ago.. had an impromptu dinner.. and sometime to catch up with one another.. really good time.. this is the sort of activity that i enjoy most.. prolly bcoz i'm an old fart now.. lolz.. no more clubs for me.. just makan and chat over coffee in small groups will be sufficient.. and those questions at the end.. was really hilarious.. there should be classes conducted by Aunty Chi Chi for the uni powerhouse girls, doncha think so.. Aunty Chi Chi?! =P